Security 12.01.
For years and years now, people have seen me as the kind of person who craves excitement, spontinaity and the unexpected. I guess to a degree this is true, i like travelling, having little adventures and experiencing this whole wide world as much as I can, but what i’ve recently realised is how much I crave stability.
It’s strange that this is a part of myself I never really paid attention to before. Maybe I was trying to supress it because i’ve been told my whole life that i’m someone different, suddenly I find comfort in the welcoming arms of my old friends, who i’d once thought were boring me. I miss old routines and habits, and most of all, I have begun to despise the uncertainty in my future. A year or so ago, this was something I cherished, and enjoyed spending time mulling over, considering the possibilities that life had laid out before me. Now, I find myself wanting to know where i’ll be in a month, a year, or ten.
Maybe this is part of growing up, or maybe this is me finally waking up to what I really want? In a sense stability is the thing that’s always been missing in my life, in one way or another, and the grass is always greener on the other side. I don’t want to make the mistake of thinking what I want is a suddenly settled future and a path already carved for me, only to wake up one day and discover i’m missing that excitment, that uncertainty and that ignorance that I have now.
-J